Today I Choose Joy...and I Don't Have to Understand

For anyone that knows us through Facebook, you are likely aware that Jing Mei chose not to be adopted. I have had a week to let that sink in. And it has been hard---the first few days, it was hard to keep moving. I spent a half day in China on the hotel bathroom floor, Chloe threw up at one point from the stress and shock, and Don struggled with it in his own way. We relied on each other, the prayers of others, and tried not to let the waves of grief take us down. 

On the day before we were to head out, we went to the US Consulate in Guangzhou. This is where you get the immigrant visa for your adopted child to gain entry into the US. It had really been a difficult two weeks with glimpses of happiness from Jing Mei, but more than anything, we dealt with a young teen that was struggling with the idea of leaving all she had ever known.  We had prepared for the types of feelings she was having--and spoke (daily) to many other families that had adopted teens from China that had experienced much of the rollercoaster we were on as well.  We were assured that she would work through those issues, grief, anger, etc. once we were state-side. And honestly, I do believe she would have. But what most everyone did not know, was that she could refuse to go with us at the Consulate.  We had already received our official adoption papers that made us her legal parents in respect to China---so we had just decided to settle in for the long haul and help her gradually adjust to her new world. We have done hard before with Wade's adoption, we were prepared to do it again. And it reminded us of how Wade, had he been old enough to decide, would have definitely chosen NOT to be adopted. Of course, anybody that knows Wade now (three years later), knows what a seamless part of our family he is -- and how happy he is to be here with us and vice versa. So BECAUSE we had already received the adoption papers (that she agreed to and signed) the week before, we truly did not worry about the consulate visit.  I think it shocked a lot of people in the adoption world, but at her age, she had to agree to enter the US. And her answer was no. And it truly broke our hearts.

I have run it all through my head a million times---we know she was given lots of anti-American ideas as I mentioned in our previous post.  One of the last things she told the guide, was that she was sure we wanted her as a slave.  We discussed it at every angle and at length with her---but to no avail.  When we flew her back to her province---it was emotional for so many people. Our guide who had spent countless hours trying to convince her to go, cried as we left. The assistant director of her orphanage cried and explained to us that her future would likely not be good (life outside the orphanage) because of her hands.  A thing that is sort of incomprehensible here, but a very real stigma in China.  The officers at the consulate were emotional. There weren't a whole lot of people that were not affected by this. 

But God knew when we were fundraising. He knew when our hearts were first tugged on by her file. He knew when we flew over there. He knew! And there is peace in that. And that has been the rock I have clung tightly to this past week. Every day, I breathed a little easier because of this truth.  We might NEVER understand why it happened the way it did. Why we raced to bring home a young girl only to have her reject us in the end.  I don't understand it. But I don't have to.

I want to thank everyone who prayed for us, cried with us, watched our children, our dog, brought us food, gave money---the body of Christ has poured out love on us throughout this journey.

God will use this.

One thing I DO want to be adamant about is this---ADOPTION is good! It is a ministry, it is a mission-field. And we are called to it! We don't just throw in the towel because it is hard, or breaks our hearts, or we don't get the undying affection of the child we are adopting.

In James, it says, "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance, And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  BOTTOM LINE: This was and is a trial for our family. Painfully out of our control, but totally within the realm and sovereignty of God. And it ABSOLUTELY tested my faith. It brought me to my knees---well, more like fetal position;) And I had to count it as joy---I have to count it as joy. Why? Because God's Word says to. And the result??? To create endurance in me---that leads to being made perfect and complete lacking in nothing. Isn't that why we are even here in the first place??

Most of the New Testament believers endured trials we cannot fathom for spreading the good news about Christ. They did not choose to abandon what God had called them to simply because their efforts didn't produce the immediate fruit they would have hoped for. They did not question or doubt that God had called them to ministry every time their efforts appeared to be a colossal fail to the human eyes. (Well, maybe they warred a little in their Spirit with doubt--but those are the times we run to God and His Word for wisdom and strength). Read the rest of James 1 if you get a chance--God gives the wisdom we need to get through these trials. He FULLY equips us to handle the hurts if we can just rely on Him. So here we are, shaken, but not deterred. And we are humbled by God's soveignty---and frankly we are thankful for it. Because to rewrite this would be to say that our plan is better than God's. And that is not a road I want to be on. No thank you. God, you write this story---because you are the only One that can see what You see---the things that we can never see in our flawed, limited, imperfect selves. (1000 Gifts-Ann Voskamp)

I will not doubt you, Lord. Hallelujah!!

We still care for orphans...because we are called to. We have this burning desire placed by God to expand our family through adoption. And we meet Tuesday with our social worker to update our homestudy. China has graciously offered to match us quickly with another child.  We are changing our age-range. Don and I both felt a peace and confirmation from God about that. While we know we could parent an older child and deal with all the things that go along with older child adoption, we don't want to head out to China again for an older child that could potentially back out once we get there. We are requesting an age-range of 2-6 years old and are pretty wide open to special needs.  I would never have looked that young before this---again, God's sovereignty. He knows the outcome and the child that DOES or DOES NOT belong in our family. We step out in faith---God does the rest. As he chooses-not as we choose. Again, He writes the story.

Brittany's Hope has saved our grant for us. Which is amazing.

If God wills, I will head out in 2-3 months for our child. Please keep us in your prayers and KNOW that adoption is so good.  God is in adoption---from start to finish (sometimes, heartbreaking finish).

I would LOVE for anyone to post comments about their own adoption journey. Particularly OLDER
child adoptions. This is for those who read this and would doubt---honestly, what happened to us is NOT typical. Teens get adopted from China and make it home and truly become part of their new family. I do believe it is harder than younger child adoptions---but so worth it. Lives are changed---both the teen that is adopted, and the parents who adopt them. PLEASE if you are the parent of an older adopted child---share the positives through comment. This blog has been widely read and I want to make sure we do the older adoptions justice.


THIS is adoption!



God Bless---He is SO GOOD!! He writes the story from a viewpoint we cannot see or fathom.

Nat